TUCSON MARATHON
Breathe in 3, 2, 1 . . . Breathe out 3, 2, 1. . . I remind myself to relax, to not stress, to breathe. I need this reminder as I quickly make my way to the Tucson Marathon start line; my first marathon outside of the flat state of Illinois. It is as cold as I expected for an early Saturday morning in December in the Sonoran desert. I feel adequately prepared for the early morning cold and the unobstructed sunshine to follow, I however did not expect the shuttle bus to arrive late to the start line.
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
Sitting in the yellow shuttle bus in pitch black prior to our start line arrival, I realized I forgot my homemade energy concoction made up of mostly organic, natural maple syrup with some other perfectly portioned additives. I planned on consuming exactly 25% of the total amount of the sugary mixture at 45 min intervals until it was gone followed by the 2 energy gels in my fanny pack towards the end of the marathon. This is a definite screw up. I think to myself, “not following my nutrition plan during a marathon is a big no-no, I may be in trouble . . .”
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
As I approach the start line, it is apparent that most marathon runner’s have already crossed the threshold and began their journey. I unceremoniously step over the start line, I note that I am starting about 10 mins after the 7 am start time. The sun crests over the mountain, the orange rays pour onto the steep downhill slope. I recall the elevation map - it indicated a relatively steep descent for nearly 8 miles. I was mentally ready for this but did my training adequately prepare me for this long stretch of downhill running?
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
I did not train on this exact course, I did not incorporate steep downhill training for extended periods of time either. For an instant, I worry. I check my pace, it is faster than planned by about 30 seconds. Starting too quickly can adversely affect the rest of the race. As we descend down this never-ending slope, I notice some runner’s pulling to the side, clutching their quads, a tell-tale sign of downhill running strain. Instead of internalizing the worry, I cut myself some slack, I reframe my running plan to account for the steepness of this downhill run, I go with the the flow, “the quicker pace is justified” - something I say to myself while I continue to cautiously speed down the mountain.
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
The course levels-off a bit after 10 miles. I focus on my surroundings - the yucca plants flanking the road, the typical cloudless skies, the sunshine. I enjoy where I am, what I am doing, and I even find joy in the pain that begins to creep in. The pain reminds me of why I started running so many years ago. The pain I experience running a marathon is manageable, obvious. Unlike the unexpected pain caused by bouts of depression, self-destructive behaviors, and self-harm of the past. That pain never goes away, but running provided me with an ability to re-direct that pain into something else. Something I can manage, something I can accomplish, something that can serve me better than drinking heavily, wreckless drug use, or the moments I’ve blacked out of my mind yet remain as visible scars on my body. I see the sunshine, I am grateful for this type of pain, this environment, where I am. I am grateful to this therapeutic sport.
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
Since I forgot my homemade energy concoction, I plan on consuming the Gatorade provided at the aid stations at twice the rate I would have consumed my own mixture because the Gatorade is not as concentrated. This quick nutrition math may not be accurate, but it is the only thing I can do about it now. I think to myself, I still have my secret weapons - my caffeine packed energy gels in my fanny pack to be used after 20 miles. I remind myself of my running plan, I feel determined, strong, fierce.
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
I clear the 20 mile marker. This is the longest I have run this year. As per usual, doubt and worry creeps in. ‘What if’ scenarios begin to play out in my mind. I entertain these thoughts for an instant. I shake my head like an etch-n-sketch. Refocus. “Catwalk” by Rupaul comes on my marathon playlist. I remind myself of my training, my running plan, my cross training - I feel the music, the pride flag pinned to the back of my shirt. I think of my journey to be this open and proud about who I am. I say to myself, “just keep running - tear open that caffeine energy pack, keep going. Enjoy where you are.”
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
I start seeing runner’s collapse less than a mile from the finish line. I feel for them. How horrible to be so close yet not be able to command your body to get to the end. Sometimes, that’s how it goes. I see a brown middle aged lady running slowly but not stopping, she reminds me of my mom - as I jog past I cheer her on. She smiles and doesn’t stop. While I intended to motivate this woman, cheering her on gave me the boost I needed. I am reminded that if we are genuinely altruistic, we end up nourishing our spirit. I pick up the pace, I can see the finish line. . . .
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
It’s over. I finished the Tucson Marathon at 3 hours 47 mins which is an 8:40 min/mi pace. I beam with pride and relief. I am filled with gratitude for my training, my body, but I am especially grateful for how I handled my mind.
Instead of dwelling on the mishaps - late shuttle bus, potential inadequate training, nutrition gone awry, worry, the list can go on - I treated myself with compassion and went with the universal flow of what is. After 16 weeks of training, of controlling as much as I could by following my training plan, there comes a point where I had to let go and trust in myself. Trust and believe that I have everything I need to overcome any challenges and achieve.
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My intention behind this post is to encourage, motivate, and empower you to get out of your comfort zone. Begin your own journey of self-discovery. Find your own wellness practice that you can commit to - be it running, yoga, martial arts, whatever it may be. Do it with the intention to find a balanced life, a life rooted in wellness. Be well.
Breathe 3, 2, 1 . . .
Liked this blog post? Check this one out on how to taper for a marathon.
